Why Sleepovers Aren’t Worth the Risk for Kids

A mother’s perspective on the risks of sleepovers and why she chooses not to let her kids attend them.

When my youngest child was just 6 years old, a new neighbor and her daughter came over for a playdate. The mom offered to host my daughter for her first sleepover, prompting a rush of excitement from my daughter, who had heard about sleepovers from her favorite shows and graphic novels. Yet, as elation bubbled in her voice, I felt a tug of hesitation. I gently explained, ‘That sounds like so much fun. However, we don’t allow sleepovers.’

Fast forward a few years, and my stance remains unchanged for my now 9-year-old daughter and her siblings. Despite offers, my children have missed out on a handful of sleepover invitations. Some have protested, claiming we are overly strict, insisting nothing harmful would happen even for one night. Conversely, others in our family have expressed relief at not having to leave the comfort of home.

Over time, I have turned to advice from psychologists, pediatricians, and therapists I follow on social media. Many share the belief that the cons of sleepovers often overshadow the benefits. Research indicates that when children face danger, it is frequently due to someone they know, rather than a stranger. Thus, I feel secure when the kids are under my roof.

We facilitate plenty of other bonding opportunities; my kids hang out with their friends at movie outings and school events like Friday night football games. While I acknowledge that incidents can occur during daylight hours, those situations typically carry less risk than unsupervised nighttime gatherings.

During certain exceptional circumstances, my older teenagers have stayed in hotel rooms with friends while attending sports competitions, all under strict supervision. They’ve also enjoyed occasional stayovers at our most trusted family friends’ homes or with grandparents. Those events differ significantly from the open-ended nature of typical sleepovers.

Adding another layer to our decision, our family is multiracial, and we consciously steer clear of allowing our Black children to find themselves in situations where they are in the minority. We are striving to make the best decisions for our family.

We aim for our children to learn the skills and confidence to sleep away from home, but believe this requires a personalized approach. We assess the specific circumstances, the maturity of the child, and the development of the necessary skills instead of simply adhering to age-based expectations or giving in to peer pressure from other parents.

I do not judge other parents who choose differently. Everyone is navigating parenting through their unique experiences and knowledge.

Personally, I do not feel my children are missing out by not participating in someone else’s sleepover situation. Fun can manifest in various forms, and for us, a safer environment brings equal joy without the added risk.