Leaving NYC: A Shift in Perspective on Success

A move from NYC to Wichita reshapes views on family success and community values.

The drive-thru line at Chick-fil-A stretched around the block, packed with oversized SUVs at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. Engines idled, yet no one honked or appeared rushed, presenting a stark contrast to life in New York City.

After completing her postdoctoral training in NYC, a psychologist found herself relocating to Wichita, Kansas, due to her husband’s job. Previously confident in her understanding of family systems, her world began to shift dramatically.

Geography can dictate various aspects of life, including food and recreational activities. Despite Kansas’s abundant farms, access to fresh produce seemed limited. With no ocean in sight and the ever-present threat of tornadoes, the new surroundings felt surreal.

In Wichita, Sundays offered a quiet respite. Unlike the bustling brunch culture of NYC, where people often filled their mornings with reservations and emails, residents in Wichita dedicated time to church and personal commitments. This slower pace allowed for a different kind of community engagement.

The change was evident not only in the environment but also in interpersonal interactions. Unlike the East and West Coasts, where conversations often serve as a polite lead-in to future interactions, Wichita’s residents communicated with sincerity. If someone intended to call or meet, they followed through on that promise.

As a trained clinician, she not only observed these dynamics but also engaged with them on a deeper level. Years of education had shaped her understanding of family health according to specific, often fast-paced standards. However, witnessing a different lifestyle unfold in Kansas made her reconsider these frameworks.

The takeaway was clear: families can thrive in diverse contexts, and success doesn’t adhere to a single mold. Both quick-paced achievement-driven families and those with a more relationship-oriented focus can find fulfillment in their own ways.

Today, she conducts evaluations and strategies across the country but always asks parents about their origins. This inquiry helps her understand the influential roots these families bring into their child’s lives.

Each family is shaped by its history and geography, influencing values and communication styles. Recognizing and accepting these differences, rather than comparing them to a personal standard, is essential for fostering healthy family dynamics.